You’re Not Broken. It's Worse. You’re Being Called
Dispatch 10: The growing distance between place and potential.
The Moment
Dateline: November 6, 2023. A Zoom call. A high-performing leader. A sentence that changed everything…for him.
When Tim called, he wasn’t in crisis. On paper, he was winning. A senior IT leader inside one of the largest healthcare organizations in the country. Twenty-five thousand employees (yes). His teams touched every part of the business—mission-critical technology, operations, compliance, and more.
He was calm, clear, and respected. He had earned everything he had.
But he was carrying a weight no one could see. Not the weight of the work, but the weight of who he had to be to keep the whole thing running. And the weight of a growing distance between who he was and who he was capable of being.
At one point, Tim paused, looked down for a moment, and said:
“I can’t remember the last time I got to be me… purely me. Without having to run my thoughts through the filter of my company.”
And there it was. Not a complaint. A confession. He was lost in his success.
For Tim, that was the moment everything shifted.
The Truth
Everyone who builds a high-functioning life eventually deals with the frustration of discovering they’ve outgrown it.
The symptoms aren’t loud. Not at first. You don’t crash. You just feel… off. A little more numb. A little less alive. You’re doing the same things, but they don’t feel the same. The pace hasn’t changed. But your desire has.
Somewhere on your way up, the joy starts to flatten. The title loses its thrill. The grind begins to feel hollow. You still perform. You still show up, and the bonuses matter less than they used to. But a question starts to surface that you can’t silence anymore: Is this all I will ever be? Will this be the best work of my life?
That moment isn’t failure. It’s not a red flag.
It’s the beginning of something better.
Once you accept it.
The Model
This is where so many people find me—when they’re in The Gap™.
Let me tell you what it is.
The Gap is the space between your current position… and your potential.
And that pit you feel growing? That’s the distance in between. That’s The Gap.
You still look the same. Still lead. Still perform. But inside, there’s a growing tension between who you are and who you know you could be—if only you dared to chase it.
It’s the moment a new line begins to show up in your life. A call, a pull, an urge to become something more. Not the line you are on today, the line you hope to be on someday. And Upper Line in a new life.
The problem? You can see it, and you can feel it, but you don’t know how to grab onto it.
That’s when The Gap starts to widen. And as it grows, so does the anxiety. Not the kind that spirals, but the kind that lingers. It haunts your early mornings, steals your Sunday, crams into your inbox, and steals your presence. It makes success feel quieter. And pretending feels heavier.
That’s The Gap: The distance between performance and purpose.
It’s not a crisis. But it’s damn sure a signal.
Spoiler alert—it’s why you’re here.
The Tool
Every person I’ve walked with through this tension—every high-performer, executive, builder, and quiet rebel—moves through the same emotional progression.
We call it AAAPEAR™.
Aware – Something feels off
Acknowledge – Wait, I think this dude is talking to me
Accept – Nobody is going to fix this for me, and I have to do something
Permit – This is my time, and I’m finally ready to start
Explore – Let me try this; I’m good at it
Act – I move, speak, test, ship the work
Repeat – What did I learn, what will I try next
Tim had reached the middle of the arc. Somewhere between Accept and Permit. He didn’t need a business plan. He didn’t need to quit.
He needed permission to want something more, something to test and a community to do it with.
And once he gave himself that, everything began to change.
The Prompt
Take ten quiet minutes. No screens. No distractions. Just a notebook, a pen, and the truth.
Ask yourself one question:
“What do I want my life to look like in three years?”
Not how will I do it…that comes later.
What. What do I want my life to look like? What are the ingredients?
Don’t write goals. Don’t justify. Just describe it.
Where are you waking up? Who’s around you? What fills your calendar? What’s different? What’s no longer there? What gifts are you using? What change are you making for others?
List the ingredients of a life you want to live on repeat.
Write everything that comes to mind.
Nothing too big. Nothing too small.
If you can do that, you have more clarity than you think.
And you’re already one step closer to what’s next.
The Inevitable Truth
If you don’t define the life you want, you’ll end up performing in one you don’t.
And you’ll do it well, like you always do.
They won’t applaud you for it. They will expect it.
And it’ll quietly consume the best years of your life.
The Close
If you’re here, you’re not alone.
I’m proud of a lot of things about Normal 40. But I’m most proud of the community we’re building. It’s not for everyone, but it’s for you.
It will be the best $25 you spend, or I’ll give it back.
Let’s be up to something.
https://www.normal40.com/the-normal-40-insider
“If you don’t define the life you want, you’ll end up performing in one you don’t.
And you’ll do it well, like you always do.
They won’t applaud you for it. They will expect it.
And it’ll quietly consume the best years of your life.”
THIS is it Lon!